Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Anatomy of a Wednesday: My Own Personal Dinner With Andre, but not dinner and not with anyone.

February 27 is, historically, an unlucky day for me. It started in 2002, when I was dumped by an old boyfriend, and was followed by a series of fights with Jeff, back in our tumultuous period. It took me most of the day to realize that today was my own personal Black Wednesday, but once I did, I decided to (un) scientifically document it.

8:00 am Alarm goes off; hit snooze.

8:10 am, 8:20 am Snooze goes off; hit snooze again.

8:30 am
Jeff beats me to the shower; I do half-assed crunches and push-ups on rug.

9:00 am Too late for shower; attempt to brush hair; end up looking like aboriginal French woman in Lost.

9:30 am
Man outside subway tells me B and Q trains aren’t running.

9:32 am He is lying. I just miss a Q train.

10:08 am
I pay for my coffee using quarters.

10:12 am Late for work! No one notices.

10:13 am Servers are down; cannot edit any of the pages for the current issue.

10:15 am
Also, all fonts have mysteriously gone missing from computer.

10:45 am Company-wide meeting. Forced to stand and smile for fifteen minutes.

11 am – 12:30 pm Various small, but disheartening, work encounters.

12:30 am
Trip to Whole Foods to get sushi and soup.

1:00 pm
Lunch disappointing – soup tastes funny. Browse gossip websites until eyes glaze over.

1:30 pm
Browse shoes online until screen glare begins to cause facial tic.

3:00 pm Still no server. Am given stack of expense reports – none of them filled out correctly – to enter into the budget.

3:05 pm While dating my signature, realize today is my unlucky day, which immediately casts a pall over the existing pall of the work day.

3:07 pm All of my coworkers are idiots who cannot add.

3:10 pm Consider probability of receiving Publishers Clearinghouse check; deep malaise sets in.

4:00 pm Consume 4 100-calorie packs of Oreo wafers in attempt to buoy mood.

4:10 pm Levels of seratonin not responsive to Oreo stimuli.

4:30 pm Sister calls me to see how “Doomsday” is going. I say fine, then decide to recap my day to check.

5:17 pm Finished list reveals Edward Hopper-esque day of vague unhappiness and boredom. Could be worse.

5:18 pm
Realize day is not over yet.
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