So, I've gotten some complaints about my lack of recent posts. Mostly from my immediate family, granted, but it's nice to know they're reading. In my defense, I actually DO have a job, and work is the only place I can blog due to the fabulous, unfussy internet connection. So when work gets crazy, the blog gets neglected. Can't help it, unfortunately. Til the day someone -- ahem! -- pays me for this, Volcanic Ensemble must take a backseat to the daily grind.
Anyway, here is a handy week in review, or what I would have written about had I had the time (to go with the whole "ripping off the Times" thing, these are written as faux news stories. Enjoy:
TANGO DEBACLE AT MONDAY MILONGAS
Betrothed couple pay $5 but refuse to dance
Jeff Zorabedian and his fiancee, Una, may be studying the tango in preparation for their wedding day, but don't expect them to actually dance. At an open dance hour in Chelsea, the couple sat for over an hour, too terrified to two-step, before calling it a night. Despite pleas from their friend and teacher, Sara Lesin, Una would not remove her arms from around Jeff's neck, lest a stranger ask her to take a spin. In her defense, Una said, "All of the other dancers were professionals! We would have looked so amateur!" Added Jeff, his face reddening from the death grip his fiance had on his windpipe, "We're pussies." The couple have a mere 12 weeks to man up and face the music before they will be forced to perform in front of 200 inebriated guests.
WOULD-BE WRITER MAYBE ACTUAL WRITER
Canadian 'zine gives girl a chance
The Sassy Curmudgeon, best known for her job as the most ironic car columnist in modern journalism, has been commissioned to write a profile of singer KT Tunstall for the Candian magazine STRUT. Tunstall, 35, is beginning the promotional tour for her new album, Drastic Fantastic. This will be the first time that Sassy, 27, is actually paid for a piece of writing.
WESTERLY BRIDAL SHOWER ATTRACTS RELATIVES, YOUNG, OLD, AND REALLY OLD
The sun was shining on Sunday morning as Stephen Montalto erected tents on the lawn of his Westerly residence. In the kitchen, his wife, Barbara, stirred a pot of "Bitch potatoes" -- just one of the many dishes she painstakingly prepared for the Jack and Jill shower she was hosting, later that afternoon, for her niece Una and her intended, Jeff Zorabedian. The tents, which had seen better days, proved finicky, but the party went off without a hitch, with 30-odd guests ranging in age from three months (Sophie, the Shrader family dog) to 90 (Uncle Pat). Gift highlights included a fondue set, dish towels, and a check for $300.
That's all the news that's fit to print, folks. I'll try to be better this week.