Friday, June 29, 2007

(Mis)adventures in the Beauty Drawer

I am sitting at work in an otherwise empty office, on Friday at 6:36 pm. To be totally honest, I have had no work to do since at least 5:53; unfortunately, if I had left then I would have had to use my time wisely -- i.e. go to the gym -- and the longer I stall, the less time I have to do anything but catch an uptown train to the show I'm seeing tonight. In the interim, I have given myself a make-over from the beauty drawer. It wouldn't have taken forty-three minutes, except I tried -- for the first time in my life -- to put on a set of false eyelashes.

I have never understood false eyelashes -- shouldn't they be reserved for people with no eyelashes? Basically the effect they achieve is that you have two sets of eyelashes -- one very poorly attached, as though you have just been in a particularly grisly bar fight -- and a cataract, thanks to all of the glue that ends up actually in your eye. It would take an incredibly deft and hand-eye coordinated person to even do a passable job of putting these things on, and I am (clearly, undisputedly, genetically) not that person.

Anyway, now that I've pulled off many of my real eyelashes in the process of removing the fake ones, it's finally time for me to go. Have great weekends, kids, and remember: God only gave you one set of eyelashes for a reason.


  1. have had NO experience with eyelashes !!!
    anyways...wassup !

  2. Anonymous1:44 AM

    YO that beauty drawer is bad news. I have become insanely addicted to a certain product given to me by a certain someone and it is beautiful and comes in a little jar with a brush and a mirror and all of the directions are in french....ANYWAY because I love it so much I decided to see if sephora carried it so that when I run out I don't have a panic attack. Turns out little miss that the 1 ounce jar in my possesion IS stocked at sephora but runs for 650 dollars an ounce. I kid you not. I actually cried. thats more than my rent. I cant tell if the tears were for the fact that I could have sold it for the price of 4 abortions (ok not so funny) or that I will never be beautiful again. so steal for me. xoxoxoxox


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