Thursday, June 7, 2007

Free to Be (You and) Me

I would not have taken this long to post if my f***ing home internet worked more often. In the interest of full disclosure, though, we "borrow" it from the apartment above ours, so I guess I shouldn't complain. And lest you think "borrowing" wireless is wrong, well, that's what passwords are for. If you leave your wireless naked and free and exposed, well, then, honey, you are asking for it.

Anyway, I had a good day last Friday. I got to interview Denis Leary, eat food at a Jean-Georges restaurant (only a few bites, but they were given to me by Mr. Leary, so they were sort of celebrity bites), and then I scored over $1,000 worth of free products from work. Bryan cleans out the beauty drawer once a month or so, and the efficiency and speed with which I snatch things suggests that I have great untapped talent in the art of cat burglary. Seriously, I was like a Supermarket Sweeps contestant on crack. I went for the really expensive stuff -- $250 face creams, Chanel, Dior -- but I took armfuls of more plebian fare, too. This behavior has earned me the questionable reputation of being someone who will take anything that's free. As a result I often find half-eaten cookies, ugly tote bags, and Precious Moments figurines on my desk. The fact that I keep them based solely on their free-ness tells me I've earned my rep.

Some people who follow strict diets but will eat anything that's free are labeled "Freegans". I do not by any measure of the imagination follow a strict diet, but I will make a meal out of gin and lemon wedges if it's free. That way I don't have to buy groceries. Sure, my skin has taken on a yellow tinge lately, and I'm pretty sure I haven't had a vegetable in over a week, but I have all of those chintzy face creams to hide my sallow cheeks and I take my multi-vitamin every day, so I'll probably live. (Mom -- I kid, I kid. Though the vegetable thing could be true. Do french fries count?)

Moving along, on Tuesday I got to see my friend Lin win a Theatre World award for his debut Off-Broadway performance in "In the Heights" (it's moving to Broadway in the fall, so see it now while tickets are cheap!). Among the award presenters were Alec Baldwin and Barbara Cook, and many other very old theater legends who mostly got depressed looking up at the photo of themselves projected on the screen above the podium, all of which dated back to1952. Way to make them feel close(r) to death, Theatre World!

Tonight I'm seeing my dear friend Kerry, who's back in New York for the summer, and tomorrow I'm seeing someone else who's been cheating on the city with Philadelphia -- Ms. Zoe LaMarche! That's right, the littlest curmudgeon is back in my clutches. I'm going to take her shopping for her maid of honor dress, although I haven't told her yet that what I really want her to wear is that adorable Hershey's Kiss costume. After all, one of the wedding colors is brown. I want her to roll down the aisle, and instead of flowers, she'll throw Hershey Kisses into the crowd!

I'll let her pick her own shoes, though. It's only fair.
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