Friday, June 22, 2007

Curmudgeon of the Week: Bryan Ambition

My co-worker and self-proclaimed "bitch" Bryan Ambition* agreed to be my Fabulous Curmudgeon of the Week! His answers are below, but first I wanted to include some of the emails I get from Bryan on a regular basis.
*Not his real name


Bryan on fashion:
Can you ask nick where he got his jeans from? I love them, but I'd rather die than admit I don't know a brand ;-)

Bryan on ordering in lunch (note the crying face at the bottom used for emphasis):
Cozy gets my vote, and not some pussy salad.
I want the motherfucker burger.
Hopelessly yours,
Bryan ;-(



Bryan on (possibly) gay interns:
Is our newest member a brother of the rainbow, or does he shop at the nike store? ;-)
(sometimes my metaphors kill even me)



Rotten. Ya’ll are just rotten.We need more male interns in this office. STRAIGHT male interns.I’m so sick of the gays. The estrogen levels (not including my bursting testosterone tanks) are just overwhelming.


Bryan on celebrities (sent via his BlackBerry, obviously. We don't get celebs in our offices):
And just so everyone knows, i'm sitting next to adam brody and j.c. Chasez. Go me.


Bryan on Judaism:
So is a bar mitzvah when you do it on a bar? And a bat mitzvah when you do it with a....nevermind


Name: Bryan Ambition

Age: 22 *
*add about four years

Provenance: Dirty Jersey

Occupation: Fashion Editor extraordinaire

Top Five Pet Peeves: slow walkers, slow walkers who smoke, sperm-shaped eyebrows, obnox fur, kathy griffin

If you could blight one thing from the Earth, what would it be? Personal intolerance

Okay, hypothetical: You’re on trial for murder. You’re claiming justifiable homicide. Who did you kill and why? Some lazy, bigot bastard redneck from southwestern pennsylvania who just beat up a high-school kid because he wore a neckerchief to school.

What makes you (irrationally) lose it? ignorance

You must like some things. What are they? Mirrors, madonna, karaoke, sequins, fluorescent colors, metallic finishes, sitcom DVDs, avant-garde performance art.

Do you believe in true love? Sure.

What’s your favorite curse word/phrase? FUCK!
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