Tuesday, April 10, 2007

It's Here: UBW07!

Actually to be totally exact, Una Birthday Week began at 11:52 am on Monday morning and will close at 11:52 am next Monday morning. It’s 11:52 because that is the exact moment of my birth, diligently recorded by my parents and invoked for more accurate horoscope readings from time to time. Anyway, if you’re unfamiliar with Una Birthday Week, its customs include:

- Consumption of all of my favorite foods, totally without guilt (including but not limited to Tootsie Rolls, salt and vinegar potato chips, pizza, rice krispies treats, and bellinis; Una Birthday Week shuns all diets … and most nutrients)
- Naked celebration laps around my apartment (I don’t care if you think it’s weird – it’s very exhilarating)
- Shunning of all “work” and “work-related” activities (I am often stuck at work during Una Birthday Week, but my motto (at least for my actual birthday day) is ”You can make a girl sit at her desk all day but you can’t make her think!”
- Reception of birthday checks
- Reception of birthday gifts
- Copious consumption of good red wine
- Exuberant consumption of cake

Banned during Una Birthday Week:

- Colds, aches, pains, and other maladies that could prevent proper consumption of nutritionally void foods and alchohol
- Hard work (see above)
- Opening of bills (especially credit card statement)
- Acknowledgement of overindulgence of Una Birthday Week

Donations to the Una Birthday Week ’07 fund can be sent by mail (anything postmarked by April 13 anytime will be accepted).

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