Monday, March 12, 2007

Reviews You Won't Read in the Times' Eating In

I feel like I’m coming down with something. Possibly candy poisoning. True to my word, I managed to consume the better part of fifteen classic candy bars over the course of one weekend. The verdicts:

The Idaho Spud
My most anticipated tasting was also my first, and thus unmarred by the palate-destroying free-for-all that quickly ensued. This bar was much better than expected, a streamlined, baguette-shaped concoction of pleasingly chewy, albeit gray, cocoa-flavored nougat covered with chocolate and coconut flakes. Overall, light and sweet, with a nice aftertaste.

The Twin Bing
Well, you know, “gorilla balls” is kind of a warning sign. This candy did not benefit from being stored in the freezer; it’s taffy-like cherry center immediately hardened into a tooth-shattering nugget. Even if this hadn’t been the case, cherry does not go very well with peanuts and chocolate, and the consistency of the cherry center is totally weird. I would have gone for a smooth cherry cream, not a thick, viscous taffy. Ick. I still ate the whole thing, of course.

The Mallo Cup
A surprise favorite, like a Reese’s Cup filled with coconut-y marshmallow. The best part was a little cardboard insert that came inside, promising a $1.00 rebate to anyone who collected 500 points (the insert card was worth 25 points). The old-fashioned type made me wonder what would happen if I did manage to eat 20 Mallo Cups and send in my points – would anyone receive it? Was business still booming? Somehow, I doubt it.

Peanut Butter Mountain
Not that great, but hey – peanut butter and chocolate never let a girl down. Also, would make a great ride at Magic Kingdom.

Goo Goo Cluster
Jeff bit into this hesitantly but ate half of it. I ate the other half for no particular reason the following morning for breakfast. Gooey and sweet and thus totally impossible to resist even though you know it’s not that good. The kind of candy you will never remember you don’t like.

Clark Bar
Jeff got to this pre-Butterfinger Butterfinger and ate it before I could taste it. His verdict: shrug, chomp, chomp.

U-No
U No like this chalky Three Musketeers precursor.

Sky Bar
I have eaten this many times before, as it is one of my father’s favorite candies. A totally awesome Necco creation, Sky Bar has four segments, each filled with its own gooey center (fudge, peanut, vanilla, and caramel). My only complaint is that, to me, the fudge section always tastes kind of off, and if you miscalculate the side it’s on, you could end up having the fudge as the last taste in your mouth.

Goldenberg’s Peanut Chews
Already had this one, too, as it is on Dad’s favorites list, and my father and I share a sweet tooth (along with a willingness to eat pretty much anything). Delicious take on the classic peanuts-caramel-chocolate recipe: the peanuts are roasted and smoky, the caramel dark, thick, and not too sweet, and the chocolate is very thin so as not to overpower its fab ingredients.

I’m going to be really fat one day, you can just tell.

Still left to eat:
-Old Faithful
-Rocky Road
-Big Cherry
-Nut Roll (giggle)
-Nut Goodie (double giggle)
-Maple Bun
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1 comment :

  1. micah4:16 PM

    my 7th and 8th grade science teacher, mr. clarke, used to give out mini clark bars as rewards, except he'd write an "e" at the end of the wrapper in permanent marker. the fact that they are about 1 millionth as well known or available as butterfingers is a travesty.

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