Stupid Friendster wouldn't accept my full testimonial for my dear friend Beth, so I'm posting it here in it's entirety:
Beth and Una, TWO beautiful girls stand before me, but I only have ONE photo in my hand. That’s TWO girls and ONE photo. TWO minus ONE. Get it? Got it good? Better recognize my math skills.
Una, the judges were very disappointed to discover, during the last challenge in which you were photographed water-skiing in full African tribal garb, that you have been on stilts this whole time. Even more troubling are the multiple skull fractures suffered by your fellow contestants when your stilts slipped off of the skis and flew at them at speeds upwards of 70 miles per hour.
Beth, while you are very beautiful and not a midget like your friend, the judges felt that you were not fierce enough in your interpretation of Buk, Goddess of Rivers and Streams. Furthermore we feel that you did not “work” the feral Chilean monkey you were given as a prop. Mr. Jay says that other girls saw you nipping from a bottle of Tanqueray prior to getting on your water skis, and I know I don’t need to tell you how that could have turned out …
Make sure it doesn’t happen again, Beth. You are still in the running towards becoming America’s Next Top Model.
I have also written a fantasy ejection from The Amazing Race ... why do I waste my time on this, you ask? Because having an overactive imagination and using it for useless projects IS HOW I ROLL. If I can find it you know I'll post it.