Missed my venom and vitriol directed at helpless strangers and inanimate objects, did you? Well, even if you didn’t, here it comes:
My co-worker has an “Easy” button from Staples on his desk. It is, quite literally, a big red button that says “Easy” on it, and when you push it, a cloying male voice says ”That was easy!”
Okay, first of all, no. Just no.
Secondly, the cute idea is bad enough, why, WHY the voice? WHY? It could have been a useless, harmless toy, like a stress ball or a “Panic” button (albeit for maddeningly optimistic people). Instead, there’s a voice, and not just any voice, but the voice of the sycophantic physics geek from your 11th grade class who got 100 on every single test and won first prize in the contest where you had to build a suspension bridge out of toothpicks. It is not a voice commending you on a job well done. It is a voice that taunts your ineptitude, its nasal timbre lighting your blood on fire with rage. That was easy. That was easy. My eyelid is starting to twitch just thinking about it.