Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Una's Medical Mysteries Vol. 3: Shopping-Specific Laziness-Which-I-Will-Call-Agoraphobia Edition

I have become one of those people who orders in EVERYTHING. Sitting under my desk right now are:

1. A cumbersome bridal shower gift for a friend
2. A box full of Amazon goodies
3. A box of 25 "Vita-Muffins", which are muffins (my favorite food group) masquerading as health food.

If I ever got off my lazy ass, I would have gone up to Whole Foods and bought one muffin, but things being what they are (read: me being a lazy spendthrift) I now have 25 fiber-packed muffins. 25! How and when am I going to eat all of them?

It forced me to realize that I no longer interact with humans when I shop for any of my basic needs.

To wit, here is what I buy online: Groceries (Fresh Direct); shoes (Zappos, or Sole Struck); books, CDs, DVDs (Amazon); gifts; snacks (such as the aforementioned muffins); movie tickets (Fandango - I am a sucker for those paper bag puppets!); clothing; concert tickets; hotel rooms; rental cars; plane tickets; magazine subscriptions; custom invitations; greeting cards; photos (Kodak Gallery); and, of course, candy in bulk.

Here is what I buy in person: my MetroCard (step lively, MTA!).

I can and do also pay my electric, phone, credit card, and insurance bills online. I make donations online and make transfers online. The only checks I write are for my rent and my gas bill, but rest assured that if I could pay them online, I would.

My life is now rich in cardboard boxes. The reason I titled this a "medical mystery" is to remind me, when I wonder aloud years from now why I am so obese that I cannot walk and why my house was taken away after I failed to pay my credit card bills, how this all began.


  1. please feel free to send me a muffin or 2. Also dont feel bad... my most meaningful relationships are with, bluefly, and the asian deli guy who sells me cigarettes.

  2. Chessa11:29 AM

    Dude, first of all, I now know to check out "Sole Struck" for further shopping habits, and secondly, your cardio is trecking all over this city to drink and play Dance Dance Mario!
    Tho I only take 2% blame for spreading my online-shopping disease to you...
    (and I'm sorry if the bulky box is my fault... :(


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