I went to see my doctor on Tuesday. I told her I’d been feeling tired, depressed, and anxious, but most of all stressed out.
She told me to cut out caffeine, sugar, and chocolate.
Must conclude that she is trying to kill me.
Today is Day Four of my de-caffeinating process. I’ve never thought of myself as caffeine-dependent. I have had a pretty serious Diet Coke addiction for the past six years – to the point where, like a wine connoisseur, I would turn my nose up at bottled Diet Coke, as I preferred the subtle metallic flavor evoked by the aluminum can variety. I drank anywhere from 1 to 3 cans of Diet Coke per day, on average, sometimes adding in a Starbucks grande soy latte in the afternoon. My mind may not have considered those habits a sign of addiction, but my body is decidedly in withdrawal. Each afternoon for the past three days I have suffered pounding, migraine-like headaches. I feel fatigued all the time. I have also been wearing my cranky pants ‘round the clock; I suppose the full moon on Tuesday didn’t help much. To put it gently, I am not in a good mood. And guess what? I can’t have chocolate. All of those good things that are supposed to help you feel fabulous and spry – salmon, avocado, whole grains, fruits and vegetables – are just pissing me off. Broccoli is to a pounding headache as salt is to a paper cut. I want sugar, fat, and caffeine!
I guess it’s good that I’m de-toxing; clearly, I need it.